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| Growing up...
So I did I
similar blog to this the other day, but I double posted it, so i tried
to delete one, but apparrently they both went away...and so I'm going
to try this again...although I dont totally remember what I said.
whatever.
So yesterday I turned 24. 24? In some ways that seems
kinda old. In other ways I still feel like a kid cuz many of my friends
are a couple years older than I am. Thats the thing, as long as we're
alive, I'll always be younger and never catch up to them. That doesn't
bother me though. It is what it is.
When I was a kid and even a
teenager I sometimes had trouble sleeping at night. Once in awhile in
those times I would close my eyes and try to imagine where I would be
in 10 years. I'd try to imagine what I'd be doing for a job, and where
I'd be living. Did I have a girlfriend? A wife? Kids?
I'm trying
to remember what I would have thought that I would be like in ten
years, ten years ago (when I was 14...'lil confusing maybe). Hmmm. That
summer was the summer before I went into highschool. I was kinda
obsessed with soccer. I listened to cheesy mtv pop music and several
months later i would try to start dressing "preppy". I had dreams of
becoming a pro soccer player and playing in the world cup, and i was
serious about that. In case that didn't work out, I'd go to college for
business or something like that...much like my dad. He worked with
people all over the world, and that appealed to me. Other cultures have
interested me for quite some time.
Back then my goal was to get
married at around 20-22 and so by now I should be married, have a good
job, and maybe a kid or two. Things don't always turn out like you
might expect! I don't think 10 years ago I would have believed you if
you told me that I'd have dreadlocks, a beard, l'd be living in one of
the very worst cities in the country pursuing ideals of urban
agriculture, and working 2 days a week removing junk from peoples homes
to pay the bills. I wouldn't have believed that most of my food came
from either the dumpster or the food bank. I wouldn't believe that I
would ride a bike instead of driving a car. I would have been really
sad if you told me that I'd still be single. So I guess that I didn't
meet my dreams and expectations that I laid out years ago.
Its
funny when I look at my friends from highschool and what they're doing
now. Many are "successful" and have acheived most of their dreams. Most
of them are done with college by now. Most have decent jobs, or at the
least permanent jobs. Many have a house and cars and gizmos and gadgets
and all those things of the American dream or whatever. Many are
married. Many have kids.
In many ways I'm glad that I haven't
exactly had much "success" with the ladies. Its taught me so many
lessons about God and about life. Its also kept me free to experience
so much. Hopefully if I do meet someone that is authenically suitable
to be my other half, I now will have the maturity (especially
emotionally) to actually pursue a healthy and mature adult
relationship. I feel like I have a much better understanding of what
I'm looking for now. And besides, I know so many great people my
age...2 years older...5 years older...20 years older than me that are
still single and doing quite well. Also, I may be poor, but I dont have
any debt. For that I am thankful. I've never really been in need. I'm
not a wage slave, with leases and rent and a wife, or ex-wives, kids,
child support, insurance and all those things (some of them are good,
and some I hope to avoid forever!) If I want to go somewhere, I go.
I've gotten to go to almost all of the states now and meet some of the
best people this world has to offer. I'm sure there may still be some
great ones out there, but Im eternally grateful for the incredible
people who have become family to me...scattered all over the country,
but mostly concentrated in Michigan and Minneapolis. I've exceeded my
dreams in many ways and done things far cooler and stranger than I ever
imagined. I'm glad things dont turn out quite like we expect some
times. I dont envy my highschool friends at all, though I dont look
down on them neither. hopefully theyre happy with where they're at.
And
I do hope to settle down one day. I have some of the ethics of a nomad,
but I highly romantacize the ethics of a farmer. I want to be connected
to people. I want to be connected to place. I want to be connected to
the land that I live on and I want to work it so that it can sustain me
and those whom I love. I want a wife eventually. I want kids. I want to
hopefully leave behind some sort of legacy besides just traveling
around and doing all sorts of neat things. Thats great, but thats not
my hearts desire for the rest of my life
Life is a crazy
journey, and its been an enjoyable ride. I've been in a dark desert of
confusion and obscurity for going on two years, but that doesnt mean
that I havent learned a ton or had a lot of really bright spots. Its
been really up and down, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Its
been really hard and sometimes depressing and borderline unbearable,
but it has given me a certain measure of wisdom and understanding that
I wouldn't have other wise.
In continuing the tradition...I'm
closing my eyes and trying to imagine what I will look like in ten
years. 34. Will I have a stable job? Will I have a house? Will I be
Married? Will I have kids? Will I sell out from all my ideals and
radical dreams and visions, or will they come full circle and become a
reality? Who knows? not I? Onward in the journey called life. Onward. | | |
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Well last year for lent I gave up the internet and sweets for lent. It
was really good for me to not be on here wasting all my time, so I've
decided to sort of do that again. I'm still going to use the internet,
but Im not going to go to any of my blogs (myspace, livejournal, xanga)
for the entire lent season.
I
find myself wasting a whole lot of time on here that I could be using
to read, spend time with people, or work on creative/constructive
projects. I also want to get my zine done by the end of Lent, so
hopefully that will alleviate one of my main distractions.
I
have a whole lot of pictures from my recent travels of visiting
communities and I'm going to try to post those before wednesday (the
beginning of lent).
It's really neat, because were doing lent as
a community. The blog thing is just mine, but theres other things that
were giving up and things we are going to be doing that we dont
normally do as a community. Im excited about that. Solidarity is a good
thing!
I dont really want to lose contact with people, though so
lets try for more personal forms of communication, like letter writing
and phone calls! If you insist on internet, I will be using email. You
can write me at jchcskater@yahoo.com. message/email me if you want my
mailing address.
What are other people giving up/doing this year for lent, if anything? | | |
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Well Im finally getting a little bit more settled in here in Camden.
I've been spending some of my time over at the greenhouse and some of
my time here at the house hanging out. This weekend we had a big
gathering of different people from all the new monastic communities
coming to pray worship and talk about ways that we could all live
better. It was a ton of fun and we had some truly great discussions
about different issues going on the world right now. Its really neat to
be a part of whats going on here.
Last
night I had my first sucessful dumpster mission sincec being here.
Trader Joe's...usually a good spot. We walked out with over 50 pounds
of organic oranges, grapefruits, tangarines, and apples. We also got
healthy breads, delicious 5 layer mexican dip, sweet potatoes, grapes,
cheese, eggs, currants, and last but certainly not least...sushi. It
was funny cuz we talked about how we were craving sushi and then we
totally found about 10 packages of it. I love when that happens!
I
got to go sledding for a bit today with one of the neighborhood kids,
Zion. It was a lot of fun, and my heart just broke for him. He was
probably around 2nd grade and so kind and sweet. Its sad what happens
to almost all of the kids in this neighborhood and I really hope that
things can turn out different for him...and all the neat kids in this
neighborhood.
ok, time for bed. | | |
| Well, I have a little over one month left here in Minneapolis. Life has been such a roller coaster of a ride this year...emotionally, spiritually, and just from moving around a lot. Im looking forward to settling down in Camden for a good 8 months. I think it'll be a good place to grow and learn. Maybe a good place to let God back put together some of brokenness...to be made whole again. I almost cried for the first time in a long time, but I didnt quite reach that point. I wish that I would have, because it feels good to cry sometimes. oh well. In the mean time I'm trying to stay busy here. I've been helping rebuild a really sweet old house. I've really enjoyed doing that, and I think I'll be working doing that for the rest of my time here hopefully. I'm about to go hang out with some friends at one of my top 2 cafe's here in Minneapolis so thats sweet. Some hot tea sounds like heaven about now! I saw mewithyou and Piebald tonight. It was a lot of fun, cuz I love both of those bands. Piebald opened with "long nights", which kinda sum up the way im feeling right now. | | |
| Im currently in sebastapol, CA. Its been an amazing trip so far...so I need to back up with telling whats going on.
Last week a bunch of friends from PAPA Fest came to minneapolis on the blue bus. It was awesome having them in town. I got to hang out with Eric a bunch which is always a good time. Hes a good friend. We all went and saw Erik petersen which was really awesome. This mexican gypsie punk opened that was really awesome and Erik was tons of fun too. He was really nice also!
After that I went down to the Anarchy and christianity conference down in Champagne, IL. That was really cool to. It was like a family reunion of sorts for this summer. I met a bunch of people at PAPA fest and then hung out with them at cstone a bit and a lot of those people were at the conference as well. I would say the people and the experience of it were better then most of the sessions, but thats usually how conferences and stuff go. I do feel like I gained a lot by going to it.
A few hours after we got back from Illinois we left on this current road trip. Its been so amazing so far! We dont have a digital camera, but I should have pictures from the 35 mm up within a couple weeks. We camped in the badlands in Sd one night which was stinkin rad. we climbed a mountain in the morning. found some wild buffalos and chased them haha. there was a bunch of praire dogs too. That was as exciting morning in the badlands! We drove through parts of wyoming and into montana. Western Montana was beautiful! We dumpstered some hostess in Butte (classic!) and stayed in some wierd little motel above a bar in Anaconda,MT. The next day we saw some other incredible spots in Montana and then we went into Oregon. Oregon is the most beautiful place Ive personally ever been to! it was so freakin goregeous! we went to Portland that night and checked that out for a couple hours. Portland is totally a rad city. I wanna go back some day for sure. After that we went to Cannon beach and spent the night on the beach. Apparently thats where they filmed the beach scene in The Goonies! how sweet is that! We woke up to cold and wet which kinda sucked, but we were by the ocean so we didnt care too much cuz it was so sweet. The fog lifted and we saw the beach which was amazing. crazy rock formations and stuff everywhere. It was so sweet. there were sea stars and sand dollars and nesting sea gulls and puffins and all sorts of marine wildlife exposed because of low tide.
We drove down the coast from there which was absolutely breath taking! Like I said...Oregon is by far the prettiest place that I've ever been. The whole state was amazing! I cant wait to show ya'll the photos! We drove through the whole coast of Oregon and then down into California. We went to the redwoods national forest. I cant even describe that to you. those trees are so stinking huge. it was amazing. I was expecting to be chased by dinosours or something. everything just seemed so giant from the trees to the ferns to the big elk that we saw. I loved every second of it! It was seriously amazing! After that we went to a beach and played on it and got are feet wet a bit. it was pretty cold. We watched the sunset and headed down here in the greater Santa Rosa area. Its really awesome here too. This is seriously the best road trip ever! theres so much more to come too. Im loving it!
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